The Moment ( r I s e ) . was Born

I have experienced glimpses of my future on more than one occasion in my life. God will present me with someONE or someTHING and something inside of me will let me know that I need to hang onto it. For what? I’m never really sure at the moment. I just know. And that has proven to be true with Heather Tabacchi of Heather Tabacchi Photography.

I had been following Heather’s work for some time and was always in awe of what she was able to create. It was more than just a photograph. It was art. I was content watching from the sidelines because it never occurred to me that it could be me on the other end of her lens. Until one day. Heather put a call out for submissions for a FACES campaign. She was looking for women who didn’t feel comfortable in front of a camera. Women who didn’t feel comfortable to be seen in that way. She was looking for a way to empower women. As part of the submission, we had to share a few short words about ourselves and how we thought an experience like this might change us. That submission was followed by what was to be a short follow-up phone call. That short phone call lasted over two hours. And that was the beginning.

I was selected and I was excited! I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect, but I was open. It was gloomy and raining the day of my shoot. Of course it was. We are in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, after all. I had been preparing as best I could leading up to the shoot. My outfits were chosen. I didn’t have to do hair or makeup. That would all be taken care of when I got to the studio. That was the easy part. All I had to do was show up. On time. That was the hard part. Of course, in true fashion, I panicked that what I had chosen to wear the day of the shoot wasn’t enough, so I stopped and shopped along my way into town. Thus making me a little behind. I got to the South Side and circled the block for parking without much luck. Around and around I went. And then finally. The gates had opened up. I had finally arrived. A little late and a little disheveled at this point. I grabbed my wardrobe out of the car and I ran for the door dodging raindrops. I yanked on the door of the address I had been given and it was locked. Ugh. I had pressed my luck this time. I missed her. As I was turning to leave, the door cracked open and a woman peeked her head out and asked if she could help me. I said “Oh, hello! I’m here for the photoshoot with Heather”. She explained that Heather’s studio was just up the stairs to my left. She smiled and closed the door. I stood there long enough to see that the sign on the door said P.A.A.R., not noticing it before I yanked on the handle. Pittsburgh Action Against Rape. Really, God??? The entire reason why I don’t feel worthy of an experience like this. The reason I submitted myself for this campaign. I was in the midst of this journey to healing. I find Heather Tabacchi and I submit myself for this over-the-top out-of-my-element kind of experience to somehow take back this part of my story. None of what was happening up until that point really made any sense to me yet. I was just following what I felt were prompts from God. And he literally puts me face-to-face with the missing part. P.A.A.R. A part of the journey was trying hard to avoid. I knew in that moment that I was right where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there. Little did I know how my life was about to change.

What happened in that space upstairs from the beginning to the end was everything Heather had hoped it would be. For me anyhow. It was empowering and it was fun! I left there feeling a little extra and it felt good. It’s not something I allowed myself to feel for a very, very long time. Days and weeks passed and life went on as I waited for the photos to be ready. It really had become a last thought though. In the time we were waiting for the pictures to be ready I had another health scare. There was a moment when I was afraid that my cancer had returned. I was just about three years out at that point from being told that I had cancer and that we were probably looking at a year left of life. I had already beat the odds at that point, so anything more than that year was just a bonus. In my mind anyhow. I had undergone some tests and evaluations by the necessary professionals and just returned home from my oncologist’s office with the news that it was just that - a scare - when my phone rang with a notification that I had an email. It was Heather. She had sent over the first photo. The one we had chosen as the shot we would use for the FACES campaign. I was sitting in my chair completely physically and emotionally exhausted. I opened up the email and when I saw what she was able to capture I fell over a little ways and all I could do was just sob. I didn’t recognize the person I was looking at. And the longer I looked, the straighter I sat. Until I sat all the way up and I laughed. Wait a minute. I did recognize her. Finally. She was me. Holy sh*t. And that’s when I knew. That’s the moment ( r I s e ) . was born.

I also knew what else it meant. Revealing my story. All of it. And I still had more work to do to get me to that point. And it had everything to do with what was written on the door that I yanked on the day I was late for the shoot that got me here. P.A.A.R. It was time. Although getting to that part has a whole story of its own, I eventually made my way there to allow for that part of my healing.

And as God would have it, just like everything else He has done in my life, He does it His way. In a God-wink way. The day I felt comfortable sharing my vision with Heather, I made a phone call and we discussed every part leading up to this. She was all in. We brainstormed a little and made an appointment to shoot all of our branding for what is now ( r I s e ) . And before we hung up, she made sure to let me know that the studio had moved. It had moved to a space downstairs. To the space where I first yanked on that door. The space where people who had suffered the insufferable had been going to tell their stories on a search for healing. That space would now house Heather’s studio. A studio that would provide a kind of healing of its own. In the most beautiful way.

And I promise you, what would happen in that space on the day we shot that branding can only be of something higher and deserves a story of it’s own. None of this is by accident and none of it has anything to do with me.